I write about sex toys every day and preach about the importance of talking about them, but I’m a hypocrite in my personal life. For the first few months of our relationship, I was at a loss for words and couldn’t say anything more about sex toys than “it feels good” or “a little deeper. I thought this would be more of a conversation starter than anything else, and it was.
The toys became a gateway to talking not only about the toys themselves but also about what I like and how my body works. I showed him how I masturbate with mine.
But it took months to incorporate toys into our sex life. I thought about that, but also about how my ex reacted to this idea. After I’d finished using a sex toy for the millionth time and I hadn’t cum yet, I asked him if he wanted to use his vibrator on me. This comment made me feel uneasy. He made me feel like sex with a toy was somehow unromantic. I worried that bringing in a toy would undermine my role as a partner. Even bringing up the topic made me feel too demanding
I was worried that my current partner would feel the same way, that his penis wouldn’t give me enough. And to be honest, that impression was correct. Many heterosexual men want to believe that their penis is a gift to women that produces incredible, multiple orgasms. The only way to cum is through vaginal penetration.
A man who truly cares about your pleasure, not his ego, will take a back seat and realize that his penis doesn’t play a primary role in satisfying you. It can be intimidating, but only to those who believe that sex toys should revolve around the penis.
Luckily, my partner wasn’t one of those people. In another conversation inspired by sex toys, I told him bluntly that sex toys that involve inserting a penis into the vagina don’t do much for me and that I need clitoral stimulation to climax. To my relief, he said he loved watching me play with myself and would be a welcome addition to our bed.
I quickly realized that the word “alone” is the operative word in the statistics: “18 percent of women come from vaginal penetration alone. Vaginal penetration and toys always bring me to climax.” Hi, I don’t think it’s necessary (for me) since it’s foreplay. But it’s nice to have something to do during intercourse instead of just thinking about pleasing him. This makes it more two-sided.
