We feel jealous in romantic sexual relationships for a myriad of reasons related to our experiences, inclinations, and desires. And I don’t think it helps to endlessly analyze them or hate yourself because you feel like you “should be better.” Because emotions are sexual relationships full of commitment, monogamy, love, honesty, and sincerity. And remember, jealousy is not inherently unfounded. Sometimes this nonsense is justified. It’s not the emotion that matters, it’s how overwhelmed you are by it and how you respond to it. Because if he overpowers you, you can be sure he can destroy an entire empire with his scaly green feet. Fact: Sexual relationships end because of jealousy. Some people enter into sexual relationships with others because of jealousy. When we’re jealous, we worry that our partner will reject us or dump us for someone they see as better. The main issue here is worry – I should know. I’ve struggled with what I consider to be the anxiety of sexual jealousy for most of my sexual relationships, but I’m working on becoming more sensitive to this feeling, regardless of what threat, real or imagined, is present. Because that’s what it’s all about. When we’re jealous, we feel threatened or insecure. Jealousy is one way of dealing with this perceived threat.
Illogical as it may be, you may believe your jealousy is preventative. Jealousy protects you from surprises, helps you protect yourself, and can help get your partner to abandon other sexual love interests. You may believe that jealousy helps you understand your partner’s true feelings. Or you may even use them as a reason to break up with your partner to protect yourself from future hurt. The mind is a powerful thing. The question is, if jealousy is a coping strategy, how do you deal with the coping strategy itself?
- Ask yourself why you’re jealous
Get to the root of your emotions. This is hard but does it. The way you react to things has been programmed into your brain and body over time, from childhood to adulthood. A sexual relationship that’s already been cheating. Maybe your dad cheated on your mom. Or maybe you’re a bit of a gamer yourself, so you assume that your partner’s thoughts can sometimes reach dubious proportions just like yours. We’re so good at fooling ourselves. Maybe you’re just not used to being with someone who’s always surrounded by friends of the gender you’re attracted to. I once dated a guy who only had a sexy girlfriend. No guy friends in sight. Sexual relations. Or maybe details from a loved one’s past that you don’t want to know about are haunting your imagination. Whatever the reason, you won’t be able to control your jealousy until you know where it comes from.
- Address the problem head on
If you’re convinced that every moment your boyfriend or girlfriend spends away from you is a cheating fest full of betrayal (or more), get out into the world of sexual relationships and see what they’re really like. World. Get to know her friends and interact with them, both men and women. Get a feel for who they are with and who they are. If they are still in a sexual relationship or have exes, meet them for you and get a feel for them. There’s nothing better than meeting all the stars of the movie in your head in real life. The hard facts will keep you grounded.
- Talk about your feelings
Sometimes (and only you can judge that) it makes sense to do the unthinkable and talk to him about it. If you are not comfortable talking openly with someone, I think you should rethink your sexual relationship. But unfortunately, that is a different discussion. Be open about how you felt and how you think it affected your sexual relationship. He will do his best to reassure you that there is nothing for you to worry about. Be honest, but at least you revealed it then. And there is a lot to be said for being honest, vulnerable, and putting it out there. If there is an incident or time that is particularly bothering you, ask about it. Perhaps it explains a sexual relationship you didn’t consider because
